Got that lovin' feelin'
by Bill The Bard
Summary: The Dead or Alive crew are stranded at an airport, and organise a series of blind dates to relieve the boredom. But who will end up going out with who?
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: 

The characters from Dead or Alive belong to Team Ninja. All others are mine. This story is an unauthorised work done purely for my personal enjoyment, and is not intended to infringe on any of their rights in or their profits from these characters. But this story is copy write to me. 

Comments, especially (constructive) criticism, always welcomed. Please e-mail me at 

m452shakespeareyahoo.co.uk 

[ ] indicates descriptive text 

**Got that lovin' feelin' - part 1**

****

[Seventeen very bored and angry Dead or Alive competitors are sitting in an airport lounge, bags at their feet. Around them move civilians, but none come close to the dangerous-looking men and women.] 

Zack: Great, man. The airport says they ain't gonna be openin' any time soon ..... 

Christie : If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill the stupid pilot who crashed! 

Hitomi : Christie! That's a terrible thing to say! 

Christie : So?? It's the truth! Thanks to him, we're stuck here till the runway's cleared and repaired, and we're all bored to death! 

Bayman : They don't have any good engineers here. In Afghanistan, we would have the runway reopened in hours. 

[He gets a few funny looks from the others.] 

Christie : You don't look old enough for that. 

Bayman : I never said I'd been there during the war. My father was, though. 

Leifang : So what do we do while we're waiting? I'm so bored I want to go out and do something exciting, can't anyone think of anything we could all do?? 

Tina : Karaoke? 

Brad Wong : The ladies engaging in a free-for-all nude mud-wrestling match while the men watch? 

[Ayane kicks him in the groin. He collapses on the floor, groaning.] 

Lisa : Way to go, girl! Seriously, any ideas anyone? 

Hayate : An impromptu combat tournament? 

Ryu : A soccer match? 

Kasumi : Blind date? 

Everyone else : Huh?? 

Kasumi : We go on blind dates. We put our names on paper, draw them at random, and we go out with whoever we get drawn with. 

Bayman : That sounds like a recipe for disaster. There are combinations that really shouldn't happen. [He gives a sideways glance at Helena, who glares back at him.] 

Helena : Quite. Some couples should be banned. 

Gen Fu : [Says something in Chinese, but only Leifang, Jann Lee and Brad Wong understand him. Everyone else just looks bemused.] 

Zack : Like, what did the ol' fella say? Hey, you three wanna translate for the rest of us? 

Jann Lee : Master Gen Fu said that he would be too old for the games of the young, but would happily make the draw for us. He also said that, since a date didn't have to be one involving any romantic connotations, there was no reason to restrict the dates to pairing one man and one woman. A random draw would be more ..... entertaining. 

[Fourteen voices cry 'EEEEWWWWW!!'] 

[Pause.] 

Hayate : Wait a minute. There are sixteen of us other than Master Gen Fu, but only fourteen of us said 'ew' to the suggestion of male/male or female/female dates. Is there something that two of us would like to say at this point? 

[Silence.] 

Hayate : Anyone? 

Ayane : Why the big interrogation scene? At least we're all adults here - well, sort of ..... .... 

Everyone else apart from Gen Fu : AYANE?!?! 

Ryu : I would never have thought it of you. I mean, I know you always act in a very masculine way, but even so .... 

Ayane : Listen you, not every girl who doesn't simper and pout is a lesbian! And anyway, I'm not a lesbian - 

Kasumi : Really? That's a relief. 

Ayane : I'm bisexual. 

[ Everyone edges away from her.] 

Ayane : WHAT?!?! Why shouldn't I happen to enjoy looking at beautiful women as well as men?! 

Helena : Mon dieu! So that's why you always followed me into the showers after a fight, even though I hate you! 

Tina : And why you said my fighting gear was too conservative! 

[Everyone else stares at Tina, then Ayane.] 

Helena :But I could never countenance the idea of dating you! You killed my mother. You might try to kill me, if you got paid enough! 

Ayane : I'd never kill you, you're too beautiful to kill. And I didn't kill your mother - Christie did that! 

[Christie glares at her] 

Christie : Thanks, you little bitch! 

[Helena looks surprised] 

Helena : But why you didn't say anything when we fought in DOA 2? 

Ayane : I .... I wanted to get you to fight me! 

Ryu : What on earth for? 

[Ayane seems on the verge of tears] 

Ayane : BECAUSE IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD THINK OF TO GET HER TO NOTICE ME!! 

[The rest look at her in disbelief.] 

Helena : You ..... got into a fight with me ... so I'd notice you?? 

Ayane : YES! 

Bass : Has anyone ever told you you're a sick, twisted little bitch? 

Ayane : ...... everyone. 

Zack : I wonder why ...... 

Kasumi : Well, now that we know my sister's a pervert - 

Ayane : Shut up, you bitch! 

Kasumi : Isn't there a second person who needs to own up? 

Leifang : Um, I'm not sure I really want to, now that I see what a fuss everyone's going to - oops, I think I just did, didn't I? 

Jann Lee : Leifang? You too?? 

Leifang : O-okay, I have to admit it - I'm a lesbian! I don't like men! 

Jann Lee : Not even me? 

Leifang : No! 

Jann Lee : But why not?? 

Tina : 'Cause you're an inflated ego'd, macho-posing, pompous jerk? 

Leifang : Oh, I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed. 

Lisa : Believe me, every woman he's ever met has noticed that ...... 

Jann Lee : You're just jealous of my martial arts prowess! You women are a weak breed! 

[Tina and Hitomi grab him and slam him into the wall, knocking him out.] 

Hitomi : You were saying? 

Kasumi : Well done. All right, we'll do it your way, Master Gen Fu. Since they don't have to be a romantic date, we'll draw names purely at random. A rule about the date - we've all got mobile phones, so switch them on so you can all be tracked. You have to spend at least one hour with your partner - and we 'll be checking on all of us! Agreed? 

[Loud chorus of 'agreed'.] 

Kasumi : And whoever gets drawn first gets to choose the location of the date, and pays for it. Right then, we'll use this for the draw.. 

[Kasumi pulls out a bowl from her bag, and tears a piece of paper into sixteen strips, then writes a name on each strip, before putting them into the bowl and passing it to Gen Fu.] 

Leifang : Oh, I hope I get Hitomi. 

[Brad has finally managed to stand upright] 

Brad Wong : Ooh, got a thing for our little brunette cutie, huh? 

[Hitomi smacks him in the mouth as Leifang knees him in the groin.] 

[Bass shakes his head, as the rest of the men look nervously at the women] 

Bass : Boy ain't too quick on the uptake ...... 

Leon : If he carries on like that, his date is going to kill him. 

Lisa : And that's a problem? 

Leon : Not really, no. 

Hitomi : You like me, Lei? 

Leifang : Why do you think I gave you that strawberry? You sucked my finger, remember? So it must have meant something to you! 

Zack : Yeah, I saw that! It's one o' my favourite clips from the island - apart from the shower scenes, o' course ..... 

[He's buried under a pile of enraged women kicking and punching every exposed part of him they can reach, and is soon pummeled into unconsciousness.] 

Hayate : Well, that's two of us men down. Damn, the women are vicious, aren't they? 

Ryu : Actually, I would prefer not to answer that, for reasons of self-preservation. 

Kasumi : Okay, first draw is ....... Bayman! Who'll be dating ....... 

---------------------------------------------------- 

Ta-daaa! Dramatic pause for effect, eh? 

Okay, before anyone tells me they want certain relationships - you'll get what comes up randomly! Okay?? So, wait and see who goes out with who! I mean, even I don't know yet! 

Right, each subsequent part will have the partners being announced, and the story of the 'date'. But they're all assumed to have happened at the same time.


	2. Chapter 2 Bayman and ?

DISCLAIMER: 

The characters from Dead or Alive belong to Team Ninja. all others are mine. This story is an unauthorised work done purely for my personal enjoyment, and is not intended to infringe on any of their rights in or their profits from these characters. But this story is copy write to me. 

Comments, especially (constructive) criticism, always welcomed. Please e-mail me at 

m452shakespeareyahoo.co.uk 

[ ] indicates descriptive text 

**Got that lovin' feelin' - part 2 Bayman and ???**

****

Kasumi : Okay, first draw is ....... Bayman! Who'll be dating ....... Hitomi! 

Leifang : Damn! 

Christie : Shit! 

[Bayman looks at Christie] 

Bayman : What? Don't you like the workings of fate? 

Christie : No! You're the only man who truly understands me! 

Jann Lee [who has by now regained consciousness] : Nonsense! All the men understand that you're a cold-hearted, murderous cow! 

Zack : Right on, brother. 

Helena : Actually, the women understand that as well. 

[Leifang marches up to Bayman.] 

Leifang : I'm warning you .... If anything happens to my Hitomi, there'll be hell to pay, do you understand me?? 

Bayman : Who the hell do you think you are, girlie? 

Christie : Step away from my man. Now. 

Leifang : Why, what are you going to do about it, you stupid woman? 

[Tina smacks her head.] 

Tina : Bad time for a dumb question ..... 

[Christie throws a kick at Leifang, who blocks. The two women begin fighting. The rest of the group look nervously for a way to separate them, apart from Ayane who's cheering Leifang on.] 

Hitomi : Wow! She really DOES have a thing for me! 

Brad Wong : What, a vibrator? 

[Hitomi punches him in the stomach, then kicks him in the head when he doubles over. He falls unconscious. Bass and Leon look at each other and roll their eyes.] 

[Meanwhile, Christie has dropped Leifang to the ground, and closes in for the kill. However, she is distracted when Ayane hits her over the head with a chair, allowing Leifang to roll over, grasp Christie's legs, and slam her face-down onto the floor, knocking her out.] 

Lisa : Why were you helping Leifang, Ayane? Do you 'like' her, the way you 'like' Helena? 

Ayane : Nah, just professional rivalry between assassins. I was just disposing of the competition. 

[Bayman moves away, looking rather nervous.] 

Hitomi : Oh well, let's get this over with ..... 

[Bayman, dressed in combat camouflages, and Hitomi, in denim and yellow Phoenix tee-shirt, enter a dark, dingy bar. Bayman looks at home - Hitomi looks pissed off.] 

Bayman : I love this place! I always feel right at home .... 

Hitomi (to herself) : That really reassures me ..... 

[Bayman kicks a drunk out of the way, dodges a chair thrown at his head, then decks a man who runs at him holding a broken bottle.] 

[He strides up to the bar. Hitomi is looking very nervous at the looks being directed her way.] 

Bayman : Yuri! A treble vodka for me, and .....? [He looks at Hitomi} 

Hitomi : Um, a Bacardi and coke, please. 

[The tough-looking bartender nods his head and starts pouring the drinks. Bayman looks round, sees a free table, and heads in that direction, followed by a very reluctant Hitomi.] 

[Bayman sits down. Hitomi quickly sits down, trying to hide behind the nearby pillar as the stares of the other patrons are starting to freak her out. She notices there aren't any other women present - which also freaks her out ...] 

Hitomi : Uh, is this not a public bar? 

Bayman : Of course the public can come here. It's just they tend not to. 

[Hitomi looks around at the broken glass on the floor, the tatty decoration, the dingy walls and grubby carpets, and shudders.] 

Hitomi : I think I know why .... 

Bayman : I see some of my old friends from the _Spetznaz_ here. 

Hitomi : These men are all ex-Army?? 

Bayman : Of course they are. Why did you think I came here? 

Hitomi : And this is your idea of a great place for a date?? 

Bayman : Of course. Why, does it not meet your standards? 

Hitomi : You know Bayman, if you think women like going out to places where there are scores of drunken ex-soldiers looking for a fight, you really need to get out more. 

Bayman : Christie never complained .... 

Hitomi : Why does that not surprise me .... 

[Yuri brings them their drinks. At least, he gives Hitomi a drink with rum in it, and a rolled-up length of silver foil .... She picks it up.] 

Hitomi : What is this?? 

Bayman : Your coke. 

[She stares at him.] 

Hitomi : I meant it to be in the glass with my Bacardi! 

[Bayman tips the silver foil up so that the white powder inside pours into her glass.] 

Bayman : There. 

{Hitomi puts her head in her hands and sobs.] 

Hitomi : I meant the soft drink 'coke'! You know, as in 'Coca Cola'! 

Bayman : They don't serve nonalcoholic drinks here. 

[Hitomi looks dazed.] 

Hitomi : They .... don't ...... 

Bayman : Of course not. Here, it is vodka with everything, da? 

[Three quarters of an hour have now passed. Bayman is exceedingly drunk. Hitomi, on the other hand, is still sober, and has somewhat battered knuckles, form the number of drunkards she's had to deck. She's also counting the minutes till she can get away from this 'date'.] 

[Bayman is slurring his words badly.] 

Bayman : Sho, you shee, I took aim, an' - WHAM! 

[He falls off his stool and lies on the floor. Hitomi just rolls her eyes.] 

Hitomi : Twelve minutes, eighteen seconds and counting. 

Bayman :Huh? 

[He starts muttering something in Russian. At least, Hitomi thinks it's Russian, but, not knowing the language, she can't be sure - it could be Swahili for all she knows. Bayman tries to pull himself, but ends up pulling his on drink onto his head. He yells something extremely rude, much to Hitomi's incomprehension.] 

Hitomi : I wonder if Leifang still feels like a date? I need something to help me get over tonight. 

[Twelve minutes later. Hitomi is sure that's how much time has passed, as she's been checking her watch every ten seconds or so .... ] 

Hitomi : Eleven, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one ..... FREEDOM!! 

[Bayman is lying on the floor, completely unable to stand upright. He mumbles something which Hitomi can't catch - not that she particularly cares to hear anything he has to say.] 

Hitomi : Well, thank you for tonight - it's been a learning experience. I learnt just how far my patience will stretch, and I also learnt never to moan about being on a bad date with boys my age - nothing could compare to this date for being memorable for all the wrong reasons! 

[She gets up, punches a drunk who's been hassling her for the last five minutes, and storms out of the bar.] 

[Outside, she takes a deep breath, then heads back to the airport terminal.] 

Hitomi : After that, a date with Leifang sounds like an excellent idea. Heck, after that, a date with Zack sounds good .... Okay, maybe that's taking things too far, but ..... 

Hitomi : Hmm, maybe Ein - sorry, Hayate - is free? 

[She continues on her way, now wearing a big smile.] 

[Meanwhile, back at the date selection process .....] 

Kasumi :Okay, next up is to be ,,,,,, Hayate. [she bats her eyes seductively at her brother, who blushes.] Who is going out with ..... 

Awww, poor Hitomi. Will that be the worst date of the evening, or can someone have an even worse experience?? 

So, next chapter - who gets the Ninja Boss? Wait and see! ('cause I don't know yet, myself!) 

(BTW, if any of you have ever tried writing dates between characters who should NEVER go out together - it's hard, isn't it? I've got a feeling this chapter isn't too good, but I just can't see how to write it better ... ) 


	3. Chapter 3 Hayate and ?

DISCLAIMER: 

The characters from Dead or Alive belong to Team Ninja. all others are mine. This story is an unauthorised work done purely for my personal enjoyment, and is not intended to infringe on any of their rights in or their profits from these characters. But this story is copy write to me. 

Comments, especially (constructive) criticism, always welcomed. Please e-mail me at 

[ ] indicates descriptive text 

**Got that lovin' feelin' - part 3**

****

Kasumi :Okay, next up is to be ,,,,,, Hayate. [she bats her eyes seductively at her brother, who blushes.] Who is going out with ..... Helena. {she now looks miserable.] 

[Leon whispers to Bass.] 

Leon : She really has a thing about her brother, hasn't she? 

{Bass also whispers, not wanting the two ninjas to hear.] 

Bass : Yup. Just confirms something many of us've suspected for a while now - there's somethin' incestuous 'bout those two. An' the other sister ain't above suspicion, ya know what I mean? 

Leon : I hear you. 

Hayate : I hear you as well. I suggest I do not hear any further such remarks about my sisters, understood? 

[Bass and Leon both look sheepish.] 

Leon and Bass : Gotcha. 

Ryu : Ninjas have good hearing. They also have style, charm, and good looks - you could both learn a lot ... 

[Bass looks annoyed.] 

Bass : Shut the hell up, fancy boy! 

[Ryu raises an eyebrow.] 

Ryu : Shall I inform Ayane of what you both just said about her? 

[Now both Bass and Leon look scared. They shake their heads.] 

Lisa : I think this date has more potential than Bayman's. 

Tina : Yeah, they're both pretty stylish 

Leifang : And attractive. 

Hitomi : Lei! I thought you were 'into' women! 

Leifang : Well, with his long hair, Hayate looks a little .... err ..... 

Lisa : Effeminate? 

Leifang : That'll do. 

Kasumi : He does not! He and Ryu look like perfect young men! 

[Hitomi whispers to Lisa.] 

Hitomi : I guess it's true about her brother fixation ..... 

Helena : Mon dieu! Don't you two start! Hayate is angry already. 

Kasumi : Leifang, I'll have you know that Nii-san is a fully red-blooded man! 

Tina : Oh, brother! Wait, isn't that what she always says? 

[Tina hides behind Bass as Kasumi glares daggers at her.] 

Hayate : Well, shall we get ready for our date? 

Helena : Indeed, good sir. 

[Hayate is standing by the side of a gleaming limousine. He is dressed in an immaculate black kimono decorated with golden dragons, his hair held out of his eyes by a pure black headband. He sees Helena approaching, elegantly dressed in a scarlet evening dress, gold earrings and pearl necklace. He smiles at her.] 

Hayate : Good evening, Helena. Your carriage awaits. 

Helena : Merci, monsieur. You are a true gentleman. 

Hayate : I try. After all, I have to make up for my half-sister's usual behaviour, don't I? 

[Helena shudders.] 

Helena : Please, do not mention her tonight. Even if she didn't kill my mother, as she says she didn't, the thought of her having a crush on me is ...... 

Hayate : I understand. 

[He closes the car door behind her.] 

Hayate : Well, since you are French and I am Japanese, I have chosen a compromise place to eat. Apparently, there is a very good small Thai restaurant in town. Would that be to your taste? 

Helena : Indeed it would, monsieur. 

[Hayate leans forward to tap on the window of the cab driver.] 

Hayate : Do you know the Thai restaurant in town? I believe there is only one. 

Cab Driver : Yes sir, I know the way. You wish to dine there? 

Hayate : Indeed. Make it so. 

[Helena giggles.] 

Helena : You are indeed a gentleman, Captain Picard. 

Hayate : Pardon? 

Helena : Never mind. 

[Half an hour later, and the dinner date is going wonderfully. The food is top quality, service is quick and efficient, and the background music not too loud. All in all, both of them are having a great time.] 

Helena : I must say, Hayate, you seem more familiar with western culture and food than your siblings. 

Hayate : Well, I am older, and I've traveled more. You yourself seem quite cosmopolitan in your tastes, Helena. I presume you have also seen much of the world? 

Helena : Such a precise and elegant way of speaking! Unfortunately, a more slovenly approach to conversation has taken hold in most of the world. I cannot say I approve of the change. Yes, indeed I have traveled, both before I began my career as a singer, and since then, as I have toured the world. It broadens one's horizons. 

Hayate : Indeed so. I must say, I find your singing a very moving experience. Though very different to our Japanese culture, it certainly has an emotional power, even if the listener does not understand the words. 

Helena : Why, thank you! 

[She delicately blushes, and Hayate smiles. It feels so different being around a proper lady, as opposed to the kunoichi of his clan.] 

[The meal is over, and the time has come to settle the bill. Hayate waves Helena back down into her seat when she reaches for her purse.] 

Hayate : No, I brought us here, it is only fair that I pay for the meal. 

Helena : Oh, but I insist on making a contribution! 

Hayate : I cannot accept! A gentleman does not take a lady out to dinner, then expect her to pay for her meal. No, I insist on paying. 

[And with that, he hands over the money to the waiter - in folded bills. Helena raises an eyebrow at that.] 

Hayate : Well, being clan leader has its privileges .... 

Helena :So I see. Very impressive. 

[Hayate looks at her quickly, not sure what she's referring to .... ] 

[It's now well after the one hour time limit, and the two of them are walking along the beach. Helena has removed her shoes, and Hayate has bought them both an ice cream cone. The wind is gentle, and the waves softly lap against the sand.] 

Helena : I must say, Hayate, that the original idea of blind-dating did not appeal to me. However, this has proven to be a most enjoyable evening. Of all of the men of the tournament, you and Hayabusa are probably the only two who I think I could have such a pleasant evening with. 

Hayate : And I must say how much I, also, have enjoyed the evening. A civilized dinner date is something I rarely have the opportunity to experience. The needs of the clan do not allow such indulgence. 

Helena : It sounds rather a lonely life. 

Hayate : It can be. Although it has its compensations. 

Helena : Such as ? 

Hayate : The higher quality of company one meets. 

[Helena laughs.] 

Helena : You, Hayate, are a flatterer. 

Hayate : No, I simply speak the truth. 

[With that, he stops, gently turns Helena to face him, and bends to kiss her. She is surprised, then responds in kind. The kiss is long and deep. Her arms slide around his neck, and he lightly holds her waist.] 

[After a long pause, they finally part, both looking slightly surprised at what has just happened.] 

Helena : H .... Hayate? Qu'est-que c'est? 

Hayate : m-my pardon. I should not have acted so for - 

Helena : Non, I did not object. It is just .... sudden ...... 

Hayate : No, for me it is not sudden. I have admired you for as long as I have known you, ever since we first met in the Dead Or Alive tournaments. You ... Are not like the women I have known before. And I am glad to have had this opportunity to get to know you better. I hope you do not mind. 

Helena : O-of course I do not mind. It is just that .... until now, you have never shown that you have such feelings for me. 

Hayate : Well, we ninjas are renowned for being inscrutable, even for Orientals .... 

[They look at each other for a few seconds, then burst out laughing. When they finally get themselves under control, they link arms and continue walking along the beach as the stars shine down from above.] 

[A quick jump back through time of nearly three hours finds us back at the original drawing of the date arrangements ....] 

Kasumi : The third date is being paid for by ....... Tina! 

Tina : Oh, joy. 

Kasumi : Who will be arm-in-arm with ....... 

Awwwww, a romantic date! Lucky Helena, poor Hitomi! Looks like there might be some competition for Hayate's favours..... 

So, who will Tina end up with next chapter? I'll find out myself tomorrow ..... 


	4. Chapter 4 Tina and ?

DISCLAIMER: 

The characters from Dead or Alive belong to Team Ninja. all others are mine. This story is an unauthorised work done purely for my personal enjoyment, and is not intended to infringe on any of their rights in or their profits from these characters. But this story is copy write to me. 

Comments, especially (constructive) criticism, always welcomed. Please e-mail me at 

[ ] indicates descriptive text 

**Got that lovin' feelin' - part 4**

****

Kasumi : The third date is being paid for by ....... Tina! 

Tina : Oh, joy. 

Kasumi : Who will be arm-in-arm with ....... Leon. 

Leon : Oh God, a beautiful woman! I must try to remember Rolande, and not succumb to temptation! Rolande, help me! 

Hitomi : He's worried about a date? I would have thought he was old enough to have gone out with women before ...... 

Lisa : Maybe it's just this woman he's afraid of ....... 

Leifang : Better than thinking us all 'weak'! 

[She glares at Jann Lee, who looks abashed.] 

Zack : Damn! My honey ain't gonna be datin' me! 

Tina : Great! Suddenly today's lookin' real good! 

Kasumi : But I thought you liked Zack? 

[Everyone looks at her incredulously.] 

Tina : You're joking, right? How many times do I have to say - I HATE THE SLEAZY BASTARD!! 

Kasumi : I thought you were flirting! 

[Tina turns purple with suppressed rage, Helena holds her head in her hands, Bass looks about to explode, Zack is trying to peer down Tina's shirt, and Hayate is glaring at Ayane who is sniggering loudly.] 

Leifang : So what we saw on Zack Island was true, after all - Kasumi is an airhead! 

Kasumi : NIIII-SAAAN! Leifang's being mean to me! 

Hayate : Don't worry, Kasumi! I'll take care of you! 

[Ayane makes retching noises, Hayabusa closes his eyes, and everyone else shakes their heads.] 

Ryu : Is he always this overprotective of her? 

Ayane : He has been as long as I can recall. Nauseating, isn't it? 

Ryu : I have to agree with you in this instance ...... So why is he sending assassins after her, if he's so protective? 

Ayane : Well, he is rather uptight about 'duty' nowadays, but even so, he does seem to be rather carried away with the idea. Maybe it's schizophrenia? 

Ryu : Possibly, though I'm in two minds about it. 

[Ayane blinks, then stares at him.] 

Ayane : Ryu Hayabusa cracks a joke?! I never thought I'd see the day! 

Ryu : It still didn't get a laugh from you. What does it take to make you smile? 

Ayane : Being told I can still take lessons in ninjutsu from a girl who hides from clan assassins by staying close to clan territory whilst wearing a bright blue dress, white stockings and orange hair ....... 

Kasumi : Nii-san! Now Ayane's being mean, too! 

Bass : So what's new? 

Tina : You not objecting to my next date. 

Bass : I just haven't had time yet. 

Tina : And you're not going to, either! 

[Tina grabs Leon and hauls him away to get changed for the evening.] 

------------------------------------------------ 

[Later in the evening. Tina is in VERY skimpy, revealing clothing - blue shirt knotted under her breasts, tight, tight low-slung trousers - you get the idea. Leon is in combat trousers and tee-shirt, with green camouflage jacket over the top - but no turban!!] 

Tina : Yo, bro', ready ta partaaay?? 

Leon : Pardon? 

Tina : C'mon, dude, we're here to have fun! Let your hair - oh, in your case that might be difficult .... Look, pal, we're her to have fun, so get ready to have fun, okay? 

Leon : I'll try .... 

Tina : Good. Now let's get in there and groove! 

[They enter the nightclub they've been standing outside. Immediately Leon flinches as the noise hits him, but Tina simply starts pushing her way through the crowd. Leon reluctantly follows.] 

Tina : Hey, you wanna drink before we get down? 

Leon : Uh, okay. A scotch on the rocks. 

Tina : Sure thing, hunk! 

[She orders drinks for the two of them, then pulls Leon over to a free table which she just spotted.] 

Tina : Soooo, tell me about yourself, big fella! 

Leon : What do you want to know? 

Tina : Name, rank, number. C'mon big guy, spill the beans! What makes ya tick, Leon, big dude, serial number sixty-nine? 

Leon : I am not a number, I am a free man! 

[Tina blinks, then laughs, not having expected humour from the massive, brooding Italian.] 

Tina : Good comeback! So, c'mon, gimme the details. 

Leon :Well, my name is Leon Cordoba, I am Roman, I served in the Italian Special Forces, then the French Foreign Legion after a .... uh ...... disagreement ....... with the Italian authorities. 

Tina : Past lovers? 

Leon : Just one. Rolande. A smuggler I met on the Silk Road. 

Tina : Ya break up? 

Leon. No. She ..... died. 

Tina : Oops! Sorry! Me and my big mouth. Um, okay, my turn. I'm Tina Armstrong, Bass' only daughter, and a pro wrestler like my dad. I keep entering the DOA tournaments 'cause, when I win, the publicity'll get me into movies, where I really want to be, ya see? Except Daddy doesn't agree with that. 

Leon : Why not? I would have thought any father would be delighted if his daughter made her name in Hollywood. 

Tina : You'd think so, but Daddy thinks it's below me. He won't accept me following my dream instead of his. 

Leon : You do not strike me as the sort of person to take 'no' for an answer. 

[Tina grins.] 

Tina : Why thanks, big fella! You're a star! Now, let's get out on the ol' dance floor and boogie! 

------------------------------------------------ 

[To Tina's surprise, Leon turns out to be a damn good dancer - and they have plenty of space to dance in, nobody else getting too close to the massive Italian. The only time things don't go too well is when, during a slow, smoochy number, Tina gets real close to Leon, who freezes when she starts pressing herself against him.] 

[After half an hour on the dance floor, they head back to the bar.] 

Tina : Hot damn, big fella, you're a great little mover! 

Leon : Thank you. And you are a very good dancer, too. 

Tina :Well, thank ya kindly! 

[She takes a gulp of her cold beer, then looks at Leon.] 

Tina : I meant to ask ya - why did ya freeze when I got close? Don't ya like me? 

[Leon blushes.] 

Leon : It's not that. It's ..... Rolande. 

Tina : Your old lover, right? 

Leon : Yes. She said I was the strongest man in the world. Now she is dead, I have to prove her words true, I have to remain faithful to her. 

[Tina laughs. Leon looks a little surprised.] 

Tina : Oh honey, you shouldn't take things too seriously! C'mon Leon, women always call their man the strongest in the world! It's like girls always say their Daddy is the strongest, bravest, most handsomest man in the world. Ask any of the DOA girls - well, except maybe Ayane. We all do it! 

Leon : Do you? 

Tina : Sure! Look, do you think Rolande would want to you to spend your time moping around over her? 

Leon : I .... No, she would not. 

Tina : Exactly! You gotta let go and get on with life, Leon. Don't let the memory of your past love drag you down. Is that why you keep entering Dead Or Alive? 

Leon : Yes. I had to prove her words true. I had to prove myself the strongest man in the world for her. 

Tina : So go and work as a guard for charities operating in danger zones like Afghanistan or Iraq. They always have problems with bandits after their drug supplies. Prove yourself doing something to benefit other people! 

[Leon looks thoughtful.] 

Leon : I think you're right. Thank you. 

[He leans close and kisses her cheek.] 

Tina : Honey, that ain't kissin'! 

[She grabs his face in her hands, and plants a big, wet, sloppy kiss full on his lips! Leon looks dazed.] 

Leon : Wh-what was that for?? 

Tina : Fun, what else? Look, you're a good-looking hunk, and a real nice man. So why shouldn't I want to kiss you? Enjoy it? 

Leon : I .... Yes, I did. 

Tina : Rolande would want you to be happy. So, be happy! 

[They lean closer and kiss passionately. They finally part, both looking flushed and breathing more heavily than usual.] 

Leon : I ... enjoyed that. 

[Tina just smiles, stands up and holds out her hand to Leon. He climbs to his feet, and they walk out of the nightclub hand-in-hand. By unspoken agreement they head back to the hotel, where they spend the rest of the night having wild, passionate sex - at least, that's what the noises through the wall sounded like!!] 

------------------------------------------------ 

[So, we now go back in time again, to find out who the next couple are to be!] 

Kasumi : The fourth date will be .......... Bass! 

Bass : Shit! My account's kinda empty 'cause o' the latest alimony payment! 

Kasumi : Who will be going out with ....... 

So that's TWO good dates, and only Hitomi's being a disaster! Ah, but what will Bass' be like? And who will it be with? Stay tuned! 


	5. Chapter 5 Bass and ?

DISCLAIMER: 

The characters from Dead or Alive belong to Team Ninja. all others are mine. This story is an unauthorised work done purely for my personal enjoyment, and is not intended to infringe on any of their rights in or their profits from these characters. But this story is copy write to me. 

Comments, especially (constructive) criticism, always welcomed. Please e-mail me at 

[ ] indicates descriptive text 

**Got that lovin' feelin' - part 5**

****

Kasumi : The fourth date will be .......... Bass! 

Bass : Shit! My account's kinda empty 'cause o' the latest alimony payment! 

Kasumi : Who will be going out with ....... Brad Wong. 

Everyone else : PUB CRAWL!! 

Tina : Hey, you all callin' my old man an alcoholic?? 

Leifang :Well, he doesn't seem to be someone whose idea of fun is going to a quiet little restaurant. 

Zack : An' there are a few other things I'd call him ...... 

Leon : If you had the courage to face what he'd do to you ... 

[Zack glares at Leon, who just smiles.] 

Hitomi : And as for Brad ...... 

Christie : Mister Pickled Liver. 

Brad : Ah, but I've cut down! 

Helena : Seeing how much you were drinking last night, I find that hard to believe .... 

Brad : It's true! That was less than I used to drink! 

Helena :That was ... ? Mon Dieu! How much did you drink before?? 

Brad : I'm a Drunken Master! What did you all expect?? 

Jann Lee : Someone who acts a bit more like a dedicated master than a wino! You're embarrassing ..... 

Ayane : Says the man whose battle cry sounds like a chicken on helium .... 

[Everyone apart from Jann starts sniggering. He glares at her.] 

Bass : She got ya there, pal. Okay, Wong, you up for a little bar-hoppin'? 

Tina : Oh God, Dad, don't do anything you'll regret in the morning!! 

Bass : I never do! I'm usually too drunk to remember ..... 

Brad : A man after my own heart!! 

Lisa : Note to self : stay away from whatever bars they're frequenting. 

Tina : It should be easy to tell which they are; knowing Daddy they'll be hittin' the sleaziest joints in town. 

Leon : Considering the places we went to after Dead Or Alive 3, I'd say that was guaranteed. 

Tina : DAD!? What the hell did you get up to?? 

Bass : Uh .... hey Wong, ready to go?? 

[He grabs Brad's arm and hustles him out of the lounge.] 

Leifang : Hmm, they seem in a hurry to get away together ..... almost hand-in-hand .... 

[There's a loud chorus of 'Ewww!! Bad mental image!!' And the grinning Chinese girl has to duck several seat cushions being thrown at her head.] 

--------------------------------------------------------- 

[The music is loud enough to be heard a block away, the air is full of cigarette smoke and the 'delightful' scent of unwashed bodies. Bass shoulders his way past a group of rowdy teens, Brad trailing after him, and they head for the bar. Not surprisingly, nobody wants to get in the way of the massive, leather-clad, rough-looking wrestler.] 

Bass :Okay, first round's on me! So, waddya want, pal? 

Brad : Oh, I drink anything. 

Bass : Really?? 

Brad : Yes, as long as it's got a high alcohol content. 

Bass : You an' me are gonna get along just fine, I can tell. 

Brad : It is always a joy to find new friends. 

-------------------------------------------- 

[It's about an hour later, and both men are getting quite drunk. There are empty beer bottles and lager cans in front of them, and a couple of almost empty plates bear the remains of the pub meal they ordered before getting down to some serious drinking.] 

Bass : ... Tellin' ya, that stupid green-haired moron really makes my fleshy creep, ya know? I know he's after my Tina, an' I know she can look after herself, but even so .... 

Brad : Even so, you're a father., and you want to protect your little girl from bad men, right? 

Bass : Well, when ya put it like that, it sounds .... 

Brad, No, no! I respect that stance. I really do. It's what any good parent wants to do for their child. Here. 

[He pours some more beer into Bass' glass from the big jug, and signals for another round. The huge American downs the drink in one gulp, much to Brad's admiration.] 

Brad : I mean, every parent still sees their children as, well, children, no matter how old they get. It's natural. 

Bass :Naw, maybe I'm jus' bein' stupid. Here, my round. 

----------------------------------------------------- 

Brad : ... Sifu (1) told me, there is enough violence in the world hic without me adding to it. I really, thought that was hic profound, you know? Really, really profound and life-affirming.. 

Bass : I know, ol' hic buddy. You speak true, pal. You're a hic really great guy. Hey what you lookin' at, faggot?! 

[He's staring at one of the men at the bar, who's looking at the two men with a more than hostile look in his eyes. The man moves slowly towards the two men, and a number of other men, dressed in denim and leathers, move to surround the two drinkers.] 

Man : You flash a lot of money around in here, big man. 

Bass : Yeah, so what? I ain't buyin' you a round! hic 

[The young man pulls out a knife. The rest of the gang reveal fists holding knives, broken bottles, and bike chains.] 

Man : Oh, I think you will. In fact, I think you'll give us enough money to have ourselves a good time! 

Brad : Say, friend, why hic don't you put that down before anyone gets hurt. Here, a drink. 

[Brad hands the man his beer glass. The man looks nonplused for a second, then he throws the glass to the floor, where it shatters. The group of men close ranks around the DOA pair, and the atmosphere gets even tenser.] 

Man : Listen, you drunken fool, either give us your money or get hurt! 

Brad : No need to be like that, my - 

[The man grabs Brad's arm and moves to throw him to one side. Brad starts to go, then takes hold of the man's arm and uses the momentum of the throw to toss the man into one of his 'friends'. The two fall to the floor.] 

[Before anyone else can react, Bass grabs the table and swings it round in an arc, taking down the rest of the gang in one go. Roaring with laughter the huge man grabs two of the attackers by their hair and smashes their heads together with a sickening crack. The two hit the floor unconscious.] 

[The first man pulls out a gun, but Brad slams a fist into his throat, and the leader of the gang falls heavily, out like a light. Brad then 'staggers' forward, weaving to avoid the attacks aimed at him, then 'trips' seemingly clumsily, but his feet just 'happen' to kick one of his attackers in the groin - hard.] 

[Bass picks up one of the men still standing, swings him round by his ankles, then lets go. The man flies across the bar into the wall, and slides down to the floor, unmoving. Laughing uproariously, the massive wrestler then slams his fist down onto the head of the second man attacking Brad, flattening him by brute power alone.] 

[Brad, still on the ground, rolls forward, coming to his feet as he slams the last remaining gang member with both feet in succession, knocking him to the ground. Bass then jumps onto the man's back, causing him to expel his remaining air with a convulsive gasp, then slump on the floor, out cold. The two DOA men look round, see there are no further attackers, and grin at each other.] 

Brad : Time to leave? 

Bass : Yeah, I hic think we outstayed our welcome. 

----------------------------------------------------------- 

[It's nearly an hour later, and the two men have moved on. They're now in a nightclub. Brad is a bit disappointed with the fact that they're stopping the drinking for a while, but Bass has a smug grin on his face. Brad is left wondering what's going to happen next ...] 

Bass : C'mon, pal, we've got seats at the table right out front. An' I had a word with the manager, an' we're gonna get special treatment! 

[He has a huge grin on his face, which makes Brad a little nervous.] 

[The two men take their places at the appointed table, and they wait for the 'special treatment' to start. The lights go down, and Bass looks expectant. Then a spotlight shines on the red curtains in front of them, and a hidden announcer shouts out "Eyes down for a full house! Heeeere's Anne-Marie!" And the curtains part to reveal a very full-figured woman in slutty red lingerie - basque, stockings, high heels, you get the idea. And she begins running her hands provocatively over her body, gyrating to the music which starts up in accompaniment.] 

Brad : You mean . ... the special treatment is a stripper?? 

Bass : Jus' wait an' see! 

[With that, the woman slowly walks down the steps towards their table, and begins rubbing her body against Brad's, pouting seductively all the time. The Drunken Master is by now looking very embarrassed indeed!] 

Music : The minute you walked in the joint, 

I could tell you were a man of distinction, 

A real big spender, 

Good-lookin', so refined, 

Wouldn't you like to know what's goin' on in my mind? 

[She stroked the back of his neck, rubbing her breasts against his chest. Brad is by now brick-red!!] 

Bass : Woohoo! You go girl! 

Brad : Er, I'm not sure that - 

Stripper : Don't worry, honey, you're in good hands! 

Bass : You lucky dog! 

Brad [thinking] : I think I'd better start using my meditation techniques for aiding concentration ... 

-------------------------------------------------------- 

[A couple of hours later. After the nightclub, the two men hit a succession of bars, and are now weaving from side to side as they stagger back to the hotel. Arm in arm, they are currently singing in VERY out-of-tune voices!] 

Bass and Brad : ... and I wanna go to bed, 

I had a little drink about an hour ago 

And it's gone right to my head, 

Wherever I may roam, 

On land or sea or foam, 

You will always hear me singing this song, 

Show me the way to go home 

Goooo hooooome. 

[Bass narrowly avoids walking into a lamppost, and has to tug Brad to make him avoid it as well. They stagger onwards. 

Bass : 'S been a great night, huh? 

Brad : Yeah. I think. I don't remember what we did, but it must've been a great night. 

[They stumble into the foyer and collapse in the lift. It takes half an hour before they're found both passed out, and taken to their rooms. Bass easily wins the subsequent 'drunken snoring competition'] 

-------------------------------------------------------------- 

[We now jump back in time once more, to see who the next date will be.] 

Kasumi : For the next date, Lisa - 

:Leifang : Ooh wait. Just think! We've had an all-man date, so there has to be an all-woman date, hasn't there?? 

Kasumi :Yes Lei, there has. And who knows, your name hasn't been drawn yet. 

Leifang : I know!! 

{she claps her hands excitedly. Everyone else rolls their eyes.] 

Lisa :Come on, enough anticipation. Who'm I dating? 

Kasumi : You're dating ..... 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

(1) Sifu - Chinese for 'teacher', the equivalent to 'Sensei'. 

Well, I think that counts as a good date .... Anyway, Lisa next. Who will she have? Stay with me. 


	6. Chapter 6 Lisa and ?

DISCLAIMER:

The characters from Dead or Alive belong to Team Ninja. all others are mine. This story is an unauthorised work done purely for my personal enjoyment, and is not intended to infringe on any of their rights in or their profits from these characters. But this story is copy write to me.

Comments, especially (constructive) criticism, always welcomed. Please e-mail me descriptive text

**Got that lovin' feelin' - part 6**

Kasumi : For the next date, Lisa -

:Leifang : Ooh wait. Just think! We've had an all-man date, so there has to be an all-woman date, hasn't there?

Kasumi :Yes Lei, there has. And who knows, your name hasn't been drawn yet.

Leifang : I know!

she claps her hands excitedly. Everyone else rolls their eyes.

Lisa :Come on, enough anticipation. Who'm I dating?

Kasumi : You're dating ... Christie.

Everyone goes a bit bug-eyed at that idea. Christie on a date? Even though it had to happen eventually, the idea is still one the others find hard to picture. The platinum-blonde assassin looks at everyone with a cool expression.

Christie : Is there a problem?

Everyone else looking respectful - or scared : No, Ma'am.

Christie : Good.

Lisa : Just remember, I get to pick the club. Now, go and get changed, sister!

Everyone else thinks the same thing - 'Sister?'

Zack : It's a funky chick thing, ya know? Or is that funky chicken - nah, that was a novelty song in Britain, right?

Lisa slaps him round the face - hard.

Lisa : Dammit Zack, kindly shut your inane vocal dribbling for a few seconds, will you?

Christie : Allow me.

She produces a knife from her boot, and hands it to Lisa.

Christie : Go ahead. Trust me, it'll make you the most popular person here ...

Lisa : Hmm ...

Zack : SIS? You ain't serious, right? I mean, you're just jerkin' my chain, yeah?

His sister looks thoughtful as she handles the knife and he sweats buckets. The rest of the contestants smirk, snigger or laugh - apart from Ayane who just shouts for Lisa to get on with it.

Lisa : Trust me Zack, I'm going to give it careful consideration if you make any more such comments.

Ayane (muttering) : Wimp. Guess I'll have to do it later ...

Zack (shouting at Ayane) : Damned assassins! You really are shits, ain't ya?

He promptly gets kicked, punched and hit with chairs by Ayane, Kasumi, Hayate, Ryu, Bayman and Christie, whilst Lisa looks on approvingly.

Lisa : Well, that shut him up for a while, anyway. Now, time to get ready, okay?

Christie : Indeed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Two women walking along the road together shouldn't be getting this much attention, but given what they're wearing .. Lisa is in a tiny little red number, whose colour sets off her dark skin perfectly, and matching high heels emphasizing long legs. Gold earrings and necklace complete the ensemble. Christie, to the surprise of the other competitors, had put on a knee-length white dress, close-fitting in all the right places, platinum jewelry and white high heels. Together, they're a very striking couple indeed.

Lisa : This is the place. Listen to that sax! Jazz, mmmm!

Christie : Yes, he sounds like a skilled saxophone player. And it has a good beat to it. Shall we?

Lisa : That's why I brought you here, sister! Let's go!

With a toss of their hair, the two women stride into the club. Inside, it is, of course, smoky and dark - hey, this is a Jazz club, how else is it going to be? The eyes of most of the men in the club quickly fix on the two beautiful women who've just entered, and both smirk inwardly at the reaction they're getting. They look around for a spare table, spot one not too far from the dais where the jazz band are pouring their souls into the music, and without even looking at one another head for it immediately. They seat themselves at the table, and it's noticeable that Christie sits so as to have a good view of the club and the doorway.

Lisa : Expecting trouble?

Christie : I'm always expecting trouble. It goes with the job.

Lisa : Tough job. You want a drink?

Somewhat to Lisa's surprise, Christie turns out to be a very good dancer indeed - and adept at dealing with the attention of some of the more undesirable specimens of manhood present in the club. One look into her icy gaze and lecherous drunks seem to run a mile. Must be an assassin thing ...

Not that Lisa's a slouch on the dance floor - long legs and an athletic body make sure of that. After a hour on the floor, they head for their table, clutching new drinks.

Lisa : Damn, you're good! You surprise me, all things considered.

Christie : You mean that an assassin isn't to be expected to dance well?

Lisa (looking slightly nervous) : Uh, well, no actually.

Christie : Well, we are often adept at social skills in order to allow us to blend into certain situations. I have to admit, you're a very good dancer yourself. I have to admit to feelings of surprise, as your brother dances like an uncoordinated epileptic ...

Lisa snorts with surprise and spills much of her drink. She stares at Christie for a second, then starts giggling.

Lisa : Yeah, my brother can be a bit ... well, clueless is a kind way of putting it. His ego is the size of Jupiter, he's oblivious to other people's opinions or feelings, and he's just basically so overbearing and LOUD, dammit!

Christie : No love lost, I take it?

Lisa just sighs and puts her head in her hands.

Despite having to explain more than once that, no, they're not lesbians on a date, and that no, they're not high-price 'ladies of the night' - which Christie explains with the aid of a stiletto to the testicles - they enjoy an evening of good music in a warm, friendly atmosphere. They even stay after the agreed time limit has expired, simply enjoying the ambiance. Eventually it gets to closing time - very late in the evening. The two women get up to leave.

Lisa : Well, that was an enjoyable evening, I feel.

Christie : Indeed. It's good to have some time to relax, even if you're an assassin.

She scans the dwindling crowd as they prepare to leave, and her eyes widen as she catches sight of two young women still sitting at a table in the corner. The beautiful blonde in the black miniskirt and red top ignores them, as the smaller Japanese girl in shirt and shorts looks at them calmly. Eyes widening, Christie tilts her head in acknowledgment, as to a peer, and turns to leave.

Lisa : Who are they?

Christie : Oh, just ... acquaintances. Come one, time to head for the hotel.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The two women take a taxi back to the hotel, and share the cost. Getting out, they both stretch, smiling.

Lisa : not a romantic date, but an enjoyable one, yes?

Christie : Yes indeed. I think that went well

The two women walk inside, and head for their beds.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Going back in time once more, we see who the next date will be.

Kasumi : For the next date, Ryu -

Ayane grins in anticipation, as Kasumi glares daggers at her. Hayate nudges Ryu in the ribs with a smirk. Ryu ignores him.

Kasumi still glaring : ... will be dating ... errr ...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, an interesting date for Lisa. I have to admit, not overly funny, but I just couldn't come up with anything for this combination - one of the hazards of doing it randomly, I guess.

Next, who will Ryu be spending time with? And yes, I HAVE found out who he's going with, and it could be fun!

And for those who didn't get the reference, the two women at the end were Mireille Bouquet and Kirika Yuumura from the anime series NOIR - the two best assassins in the world ...


End file.
